Life

Who would have thought that in twenty eight years of trying not to become my mother, I would still end up following in some of her footsteps? Becoming as dependant on a man who doesn't care about my happiness as she was? How did I get to this place in my life? Why do I care about his happiness when he could care less about mine? Let me say this......Once I'm done with school and have a career that can afford me the life I want for me and the kids.....I will focus on my happiness and things are most certainly going to change.

FINALLY!!!

I finally got the notice from the bank and my financial aid for the 08-09 school year is complete. OH and the loan documents from the bank show my expected graduation date....July 14, 2012....SO MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!! The day we all thought would never come is just a little less than four years away....and I want all the people I love to be there!!!

Helen the felon strikes again.....

Okay, so a couple of days ago I get a phone call....

"Hello, may I please speak with Heather Arroyo?"

"This is she....."

"Heather, this is Brandy from Wells Fargo. I'm calling about your mortgage loan with us. It is in default. We have sent you numerous notices blah, blah, blah...."

HOME LOAN? What freakin home loan? I don't own a home, I'm not planning to own one anytime soon......When, where, how did this happen?

Then yesterday Prudential calls:

"I'm calling about your Visa card...."

"I don't have a prudential Visa"

"This is Heather Arroyo? I'm showing a visa with a $100k limit. The balance is close to $9k, and there have been no payments made....ever"

"Okay so where was the credit card sent? "

Freakin lady gives me my mom's address.......

Who does this to their own child????

Almost done

So after my last post, I finally spoke to my academic counselor. Turns out they only needed an amended tax return to complete my financial aid. After all that worrying and basically throwing away my straight A's all I needed was to redo my taxes. I am kind of pissed off about the entire situation, but I cannot dwell on it.

I resumed classes and turned in all my late assignments. Unfortunately, my professors couldn't accept all my make up work because school policy prohibits any assignments later than four days. I've been told that the highest grade I can earn is a B in both classes. That sucks! But I suppose I should just be happy I passed.

Anyway, final projects are due on Sunday (my 28th birthday) and my new classes start on Monday (Dawn's 29th Birthday) I am not really looking forward to my next block of classes because one of my classes is Essay Writing.....I am not the least bit good at writing essays. I never have been. Hopefully this course teaches me a thing or two that prove valuable especially since my courses will just get more and more difficult as I get closer to my MBA.....

Ok now I'm scared.

Diet update: I've lost 35 pounds total.....

discouraged beyond belief

Never fails! I get things going in the right direction, FINALLY! Then BOOM something comes along and messes it all up!
School was going great! I was ace-ing my classes....Then low and behold financial counselor calls me to let me know that I have been denied financial aid, and if I want to continue to my next block of classes, I will need to pay the $2k to cover the first two classes. Yeah cuz I have money like that just sitting around! Seriously! Then the girls and their dance classes. I was sooo proud of them when they audtitioned for the performance classes and were invited to participate, but then they give the first bill on 8/20 and tell me it's due by 9/1.....Yeah okay again like I have an extra $1400 just sitting around. I hate money....I hate having to deal with money, and I hate not having any of it!!!!

update....Grades

COM140 (Contemporary Business Communication) 92.69%
GEN104 (Skills for Learning in an Info age) 99.03%

YES!!!!!

And I'm halfway there!!! In my 9 week session, I just finished the 4th week.....My next set of classes are Effective Essay Writing (GEN150) & Critical Thinking (CRT205) and they start on 9/15/08. Hopefully for my birthday I get a grade report with straight A's.....

discouraging

So I turned in my third assignment. I turned it on time, and it was exactly what she asked for. But I just got my grade report and I got a freaking 0 on it....I don't get it? I need to speak with my achademic couselor about this because I have no idea what I did wrong.

Update

First set of daily question grades......

Com-140 7.5/10

Gen-105
1. 30/30
2. 30/30
3. I need to post my 350-400 word answer before 10....Luckily, my last blog about starting school is basically the answer...Which is why I wrote it....wanna see the assignment:

Week 1 – Assignment #3
Assignment: Elevator Speech
Resources: Appendix C, and Elevator Speech digital story

Due Date: Day 7 [post to the Individual forum]
View the digital story located on aXcess at
http://corptrain.phoenix.edu/axia/gen105/elevator_01.html.

Construct your own 350- to 400-word scenario in which you explain distance learning to
a friend. Your response should explain how Axia courses work and should correctly use
each of the following terms at least once:

o Threaded Discussion
o Forums
o Asynchronous Communication
o Feedback



I just need to put in some of the terms.....

and even more on my plate

As an update to my post about Dr. Ravenna, I've now lost a total of 22 pounds. I'm down to 162 and can now fit a size 9 in jeans.

So I figured I could add exercise to my plan I enrolled in a Lyrical dance class. It's on Tuesday nights. Eventually I will get up to exercising every day, but for now once a week will have to do.....Next month I'll move to three times a week. I think I'll walk for an hour every morning or something.

Online higher learning

Who would have thought that taking courses online would be sooooooo gosh darn difficult. I never did. I naturally assumed that taking class online would be easy. I'd long on a couple days a week, read the assignments and do them. WOW was I totally off....

First of all, I have to long on at least 3 times a week and post something so that the professors know I've logged on just to meet my attendance requirements. Then there's the actual assignments. I'm currently taking 2 classes, both are part of my gen ed requirement. I'm taking COM140 and GEN 105. Each one of my classes are worth 3 credits towards my 60 credit AAFS degree graduation requirement. Every week I have to answer three daily questions per week as part of my participation grade. One week it's one class, the next it's the other. Then I have to respond to other students answers to the questions for the other part of my participation grade. Let me just say that these are not easy questions. They are all basically essay questions and the responses range from 150-350 words.

But I'm in no way giving up. I can do this...I know I can! I just needed to vent about it for awhile.

Once I get more familiar and into a rhythm with all of this I will register to take a couple of CLEP tests or anything else I can do to add credits to my transcript so I can save some time and some money.

Time for a change

Okay, so in an attempt to create a better lifestyle for my family and I.....I have finally enrolled in school. My aim? Ultimately an MBA. I will (in about 5-6 years) be Heather Arroyo, MBA.....Wish me luck!!!

Also, Desirae has chosen to continue her ballet classes. I have also chosen to enroll her in a tap/jazz class and switch Yvette to the same dance school Desi goes to. She is also enrolled in a tap/jazz class.

We're all learning new things and growing.....

This past weekend

I had such a great time this past Thursday night to Saturday afternoon...I did not want it to end. I loved seeing my two best friends in the whole world, and spending a little bit of time with each of them was great...But I needed more. I need to get my butt back up to Northern California. According to my aunt, I'm depressed and I will continue to be unhappy so long as I'm so far away from people I love and who love me. I'm trying to get Rick on board to move back up north, but his family trumps my needs. They need him more than I need to be happy.....At least that's what he thinks. Somehow I find it difficult to believe that he doesn't see that I'm unhappy down here. I love him and I want to make our marriage work....But I can't see that happening unless I'm completely happy. I doubt I ever will be....Especially since there's no one here for me to talk to about anything. Maybe I should seek more professional help. I don't know. All I know is that from 3:45 until 7:30 when my flight took off out of Oakland airport, I had lost about 35% of the water in my body from the tears streaming down my face, but oddly enough I did not shed one tear when I was leaving Orange county...Go figure...

Stream of consciousness

Hurt feelings


They are totally inevitable. But when someone hurts you, you have to speak on it otherwise it will eat you alive. I’ve been hurting pretty much all my life. And yet my upbringing has taught me to hold it in, withdrawl, and hold my tongue. Not anymore, I cannot do it. I’ve held way too much in for way too long. I need to tell people I love how I feel about the way they treat me.
Mom, I love you, unconditionally, but I will never be able to forgive you for the pain you caused me as a child. The love that a child has for their mother is unbreakable and should be returned, and although we get along now and you’re trying to make up for the past, the truth is you chose your husband over your daughter. Your 10 year old daughter. I loved you and all I wanted as a child was for you to love me too or at least show it. But you never did.
To my foster family: The absence of a real family has scarred me for life and I always feel the need to bond with someone. When I was 12 I moved in with you. You were my family and I loved you. I thought that love was returned, until I realized how expendable I was. I was tossed aside for a fling. My baby sisters who when they were kids were attached to me, looked up to me, ultimately loved me. But now that you’re teenagers/young adults I’ve been replaced by boyfriends and fair weather friends. Perhaps I’m being irrational, maybe it’s all just a part of becoming an adult. Maybe growing up does equal growing apart.
To the only two women in this world not related to me by blood, marriage, or adoption, that I love like they were family: What I’m about to say/write could quite possibly be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I never went to therapy for this one. I love you both very much and it hurts me so much that we are not as close as we used to be. I HATE the fact that I only get to see you once a year, if that. Maybe it’s because I didn’t experience the sisterhood of a sorority the way you did, or the bond that college roommates share. Maybe I haven’t moved on from our high school days. I don’t know. The things that bother me may be totally unjustified, but they are still bothering me. I understand that as we grow and become adults our priorities change. But it does still hurt that I am not one of yours anymore. Looking back at old blog archives brought me to this. Just four years ago I was someone very important to you, who’s arrival was being eagerly anticipated. Now we barely have any time together. I cant stand that. The little window of time we DO have together is so not enough. I miss us so much. I miss the closeness we used to share. You both have contributed greatly to the woman I have become. To the strength I now have to be able to speak my feelings. To the confidence I have in myself to know that even through all the daily trials that fill my life, I can and somehow will make it through. I hope you know how important you both are to me, and I hope that I am somewhat close to as important to you.
To my Desirae. Little mama you are growing way too fast for me. I miss my little girl. I miss being part of your daily life, and not just your bus driver. We used to talk and hug and you’d kiss me before you went to bed and say “I love you, mom.” Now between the friends, the computer, and your schedule we barely spend 10 minutes a day alone together. I love you baby girl and I’ll be here waiting when you need me.

Dr. Ravenna's Medical Weight Loss

Not Cool….a couple of months ago, I went to the park with the kids and realized that I am way too heavy for my own self. I began to think about the things I ate and my level of daily activity, and wondering how I got so heavy. So I did the math. I gained 50 pounds with Desirae and only lost 30 of it. (+20 pounds.) With Yvette I gained 35 and only lost 20 (+another 15 pounds.) Finally with Dominic, between the health problems and the delivery complications I gained close to 70 pounds and lost 45 (+25 more pounds.) Then the awful truth: I am 60 pounds heavier now than I was in high school. Okay that is not acceptable! That’s when I decided to do something about it. I started seeing a doctor who specializes in Medical Weight Loss. He put me on a meal plan, an exercise regiment, and of course…medication. My first day was 4/26/08. My initial weight was 184 pounds…(holy crap.) I go in every Friday and they weigh me and give me a fat burning shot. Today, when I stepped on the scale…..171 pounds…Still heavier than I’d like, but totally on my way to my goal. Hooray for Dr. Ravenna!

Busy Busy Busy

And so it starts…..

Summertime and all the activities, classes, birthday parties, swimming parties, etc….


Who knew kids could keep you this busy all the time?